Friday, June 29, 2012

Crime & Punishment

I have clear ideas on which punishments suit which crimes.
And since our judicial system is not only slow as frozen molasses, but unimaginative as a doornail, these are my proposals.
(This being my own private universe with unicorns and purple happiness, every single one of these is valid for implementation)

1. If you ride a bike/motorcycle without a helmet - you deserve to have a pigeon crap on your head.

2. If you ride a bike/motorcycle with your helmet balanced on your tank/arm/backrest etc. (anywhere except on your head) you deserve to have a horde of pigeons descend on you and shed feathers after they crap on you.

3. If you are a male driver who bitches about female drivers on the strength of 1 or 2 imbeciles you have encountered, you deserve to be rear-ended by one of them.

4. If you are the kind of female driver who is the reason our entire gender is condemned, then I hope you spill your vanilla latte all over your brand new bag... and shoes. And may pigeons do their thing when you get out of your car to get cleaned up.

5. If you are one of the asshats who takes advantage of this new no-sunfilm thing, to lech at women and basically cause them great discomfort, I hope you get run off the road. And land in slush. Crap would work too.

6. If you are a driver with a 4 wheeler, who splashes unsuspecting pedestrians with dirty puddles, for FUN, I hope you mistake an open manhole/extremely deep pothole for a small puddle. I hope the mechanic rips you off when they tell you that the axle is ruined beyond belief. And may you then step on a lego.

7. If you are a bus driver/auto driver - I don't hope for anything. You are going to burn in hell for all eternity anyway.

There will be more of these soon...

Wednesday, June 27, 2012

I'm having an emo day today.

Its been a crazy week, both professionally and personally.

I don't talk about professional here, but the personal deserves a mention.

I have suddenly realized that I have wasted years of my life. Years!
3 years where I have nothing to show for time passing me by, except bruises, regrets, and some serious rage.

You know that moment when you realize you had all these plans? All these places to visit and things to do before you hit this or that particular age?
And that moment that immediately follows when you also realize that you gave up on all these plans, thinking you were just postponing them. Postponing them for the sake of someone who was not worth postponing them for. Someone who disregarded your dreams, your plans, and didn't give it a moment's thought.
Someone who persuaded you to postpone them, knowing full well that they were taking away any chance you might have had, of having those dreams come true.
And didn't give a damn.

I now declare the beginning of the year of ME.

I will travel, I will learn, I will laugh, and maybe, just maybe, I will love too...
But most of all, I will do it all my way.

Because the only thing on my to-do list at the moment, is to start loving me more!